DEAR ABBY: My husband was a drug addict 18 years ago. It was a very hard time for us; he went through rehabilitation and we were almost divorced.
Fast forward: He has done well and even though we still have our problems, he has not used heavy drugs for 1
My sister-in-law told me last weekend that my sister told our son (who was 17 at the time) about my husband’s drug issues. We always kept my husband’s past quiet and felt that we would eventually have that conversation with our son when we were ready.
I’m furious that she told him. It should have been our choice, not hers. She has violated my trust. There has been a lot of enmity between my husband and my sister in the past, so I’m sure she did in spite of that.
I’m so sorry I’m afraid I will explode and ruin the thin relationship I have with her. Also, my husband will probably want to reject her for this betrayal. What do you suggest?
BETRAYED IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR BETRAYED: If your sister knew you would keep this from your son until he was older, she betrayed your trust.
Once you have calmed down, talk to her, ask if what you were told is true, and if that is why she would do such a thing. Once you have all the facts, your husband needs to be told that the cat is out of the bag so the two can decide if you want to continue a relationship with this sister. And because a predisposition to addiction can run in a family, talk the long-delayed one with your son about it.
DEAR ABBY: When my then boyfriend asked me to marry him, he did not have a ring ready, but I happily accepted his proposal. We were in our late 20s and had been together for almost 10 years.
Then he took me to the jewelry store so I could choose one to my liking and taste (within budget). We took a picture of the ring and he told me he would bring his mother back to the jewelry store with him so she could help with the price issue.
A week later, he told me he had made the purchase and we both could not wait for our engagement ceremony as we took the next step in our relationship. That day, my surprise was the ring he put on my finger, not the one I had chosen. But in front of his family, my family and probably 40 guests, I pretended nothing happened.
I was not happy at all and told him later, privately, that it was not the ring I chose. His response was, his mom thought this one would look better (in my opinion cheaper and more sticky) than the one I liked and that I overreacted.
I told him that if he had not taken me shopping, I would have appreciated every ring he bought. He brushes me off when I try to discuss it. Why did he take me and disregard my opinion? Am I overreacting, Abby?
FOLDED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TOLT: You do not overreact. Your fiancé’s mother was very nervous. She seems to rule calmly and chose that opportunity to assert herself. Worse, it seems her son appreciates her opinion of yours. He owes you an apology.
If this happened recently and you are not yet married to this award, you two should consider taking a return trip to the jewels. Hopefully this scenario is not repeated with the selection of wedding rings.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.