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Kristoff St. John's former wife Mia reflects on her struggle with the loss of their son (exclusive)



Kristoff St. John's former wife Mia St. John looks back on his life, including the heartbreaking loss of their son, Julian, who died of suicide in 2014.

The young and the restless star died just over a week ago at his home in LA, shocking fans and devastating a family that has already dealt with tragedy. Now Mia is opening her last conversation with him and his struggle to survive their son's passers-by.

"He called me at 11am and the first thing he said was," Mia, thank God, you replied "shared." He was just so depressed. He drank and said just like nonsense – he wouldn't be here anymore. "

She continued to claim that Kristoff was so disoriented that he saw his late son.

" He said, "Julian is at the door, I'll get the door," she shared. "[He] said, "Okay, let's talk to Julian, come in with Julian." Julian came in and said, "Julian must take me a trip now" and I said, "No, you don't go for a go now. & # 39 ; "

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Kristoff St. John through the years

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PASADENA, CA – APRIL 29: Actor Kristoff St. John (L) and daughter Paris St. John attends CBS Daytime Emmy After Party at Pasadena Convention Center on April 29, 2018 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Rodin Eckenroth / Getty Images)

PASADENA, CA – APRIL 29: Actor Kristoff St. John (L) and daughter Paris St. John attends CBS Daytime Emmy After Party at Pasadena Convention Center on April 29, 2018 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Rodin Eckenroth / Getty Images)

PASADENA, CA – APRIL 29: Sharon Case (L) and Kristoff St. John speaks on stage during the 45th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards at Pasadena Civic Auditorium on April 29, 2018 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES – APRIL 20: Kristoff St. John plays Neil Winters on the young and the restless. (Photo by Monty Brinton / CBS via Getty Images)

RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA – OCTOBER 01: Kristoff St. John (L) and Dana Derrick in Southern California's Foothill AIDS Project Balls Four Celebrity Bowling Bowling in the Brunswick Zone Deer Creek Courses on October 1, 2017 in Rancho Cucamonga, California. (Photo by Tasia Wells / Getty Images)

LAS VEGAS, NV – JULY 14: Actor Kristoff St. John participates in the 10th anniversary celebration of The Beatles Love by Cirque du Soleil at The Mirage Hotel & Casino on July 14, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Gabe Ginsberg / Getty Images)

LAS VEGAS, NV – JULY 14: (LR) Lola St. John, actor Kristoff St. John and Paris St. John participates in the 10th Anniversary Party of The Beatles LOVE by Cirque du Soleil at Mirage Hotel & Casino on July 14, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Bryan Steffy / FilmMagic)

LOS ANGELES, CA – APRIL 27: Kristoff St. John is seen on April 27, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by gotpap / Bauer-Griffin / GC Images)

HOLLYWOOD, CA – APRIL 26: Actor Kristoff St. John participates in CBS Daytime Emmy after party at The Hollywood Athletic Club on April 26, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Paul Archuleta / FilmMagic)

LOS ANGELES, CA – AUGUST 02: Actors Sean Kanan and Kristoff St. John on Day 2 of The Hollywood Show held at The Westin Hotel LAX on August 1, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Albert L. Ortega / Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES – NOVEMBER 19: Cover of the CBS Series THE YOUNG AND RESTLESS planned for air on the CBS Television Network. Image: (LR) Kristoff St. John (Neil Winters) and Christel Khalil (Lily Ashby) (Photo by Sonja Flemming / CBS via Getty Images)

HOLLYWOOD, CA – OCTOBER 06: (LR) Actors Lamon Archey, Redaric Williams, and Kristoff St. John attends the Hollywood Black Film Festival (HBFF) at The Ricardo Montalban Theater on October 6, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Imeh Akpanudosen / Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES, CA – MARCH 26: Actress Jeanne Cooper (front, center) is standing with the cast of & # 39; Young & The Restless & # 39; under & # 39; The Young & The Restless & # 39; 40th Anniversary Cake Ceremony at CBS Television City on March 26, 2013 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Amanda Edwards / WireImage)

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – AUGUST 23: Actor Kristoff St. John attends The Young And The Restless: Celebrating 10,000 episodes in The Paley Center for Media on August 23, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Archuleta / FilmMagic)

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – AUGUST 23: (LR) Actors Kristoff St. John, Doug Davidson, Michelle Stafford and Melody Thomas Scott, author Maria Arena Bell and actors Jeanne Cooper, Eric Braeden, Peter Bergman, Joshua Morrow and Christian LeBlanc participate in The Paley Center for Media Presentation of The Young and the Restless: Celebrating 10,000 Episodes & # 39; at The Paley Center for Media on August 23, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by David Livingston / Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES – AUGUST 22: Katherine Chancellor (Jeanne Cooper, left), meeting with Nikki Newman (Melody Thomas Scott, Center) and Neil Winters (Kristoff St. John, right) at CBS & THE RESTLESS, (Photo by Sonja Flemming / CBS via Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES, CA – MAY 04: Actor Kristoff St John, actor Amelia Heinle and actor Thad Luckinbill arrive at United Friends of Children's Brass Ring Awards Dinner 2010 Honor Julie Chen & Leslie Moonves held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on May 4, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Michael Caulfield / WireImage)

LOS ANGELES, CA – DECEMBER 11: Actor Kristoff St. John (L) and actor Daniel Godbard attend the cake cut ceremony celebrating The Young and the Restless, which holds the number one rated daytime drama series for twenty years right at CBS Studios on December 11, 2008 in Los Angeles , California. (Photo by Michael Buckner / Getty Images)

HOLLYWOOD – DECEMBER 06: (LR) Actor Michael Fairman, actress Michelle Stafford, actor Michael Graziadei, actress Adrienne Frantz and actor Kristoff St. John is under Christmas Stories XVI & # 39; The Hollywood Police Activities League, held at Scientology Church's Celebrity Center on December 6, 2008 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison / Getty Images for COS)

Actor Kristoff St. John and daughter make their portrait at the 35th annual Emmy Awards at the Kodak Theater on June 20, 2008 in Los Angeles, California. ** EXCLUSIVE ** *** Exclusive *** (Photo by Marc Bryan-Brown / WireImage)

Actor Kristoff St. John and daughter Lola St. John participates in the press room at the 35th Annual Emmy Award on Anniversary June 20, 2008 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jeffrey Mayer / WireImage)

Kristoff St. John, Bill Jones and Bryton McClure, Win Excellent Supporting Actor in a Drama Series for The Young and the Restless & # 39; (Photo by Albert L. Ortega / WireImage) [19659032] LOS ANGELES – SEPTEMBER 18: (LR) Shooting artist Aaron Neville and actors Victoria Rowell and Kristoff St. John talks about the set & # 39; The Young and The Restless & # 39; during the opening of the new jazz club Indigo at CBS Television City on September 18, 2006 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images)

Luke Walton and Kristoff St. John during Los Angeles Laker Luke Walton makes his daytime debut at CBS & # 39; The Young and the Restless & # 39; Set to Air August 30, 2006 at CBS in Television City, CA, USA. (Photo by Alexandra Wyman / WireImage)

LOS ANGELES – JULY 26: (LR) Luke Walton from Los Angeles Lakers, director Kathy Foster and actor Kristoff St. John composes during the rehearsal when Walton debuts on the CBS daytime television drama & # 39; The Young and the Restless & # 39; July 26, 2006 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Chad Buchanan / Getty Images)

Kristoff St. John and Family during 25th Anniversary Gala for PETA and Humanitarian Awards – Arrivals at Paramount Pictures in Hollywood, California, USA. (Photo by Jon Kopaloff / FilmMagic)

Kristoff St. John, wife Alana and daughter under the Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet – Day 2 in Los Angeles, California, USA. (Photo by Jean-Paul Aussenard / WireImage for Silver Spoon (formerly The Cabana))

Kristoff St. John under Dodgeball: The Knowledge Tournament for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation – Within the Hollywood Palladium in Los Angeles, California, United States. (Photo by M. Caulfield / WireImage)

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – OCTOBER 23: Actor Kristoff St. John and boyfriend Allana Nadal are participating in the Multicultural Motion Picture Association's Eighth Annual Diversity Awards on October 23, 2000 at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage)

NEW YORK CITY – MAY 18: Actor Kristoff St. John and boyfriend Allana Nadal attend the 28th Annual Emmy Awards on May 18, 2001 at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. (Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage)

NEW YORK CITY – MAY 21: Actor Kristoff St. John and girlfriend Allana Nadal attend the 26th Annual Emmy Awards on May 21, 1999 at the Radio City Music Hall in New York City. (Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage)




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Police were sent to his home on February 4 where they found him on the floor. According to Mia, they tried to perform CPR, but could not revive him. Shortly afterwards, Mia realized that Kristoff had sent her a text.

"… We forged back and forth. He said: & # 39; Understand, you have to live in the present observe all the good things in your life and others around you. Julian doesn't want you must live your life with bitterness and sadness, it eats away with you and drains your life slowly but surely. You must rise to the occasion and accept the beauty around you. I believe in you, "she told."

A Toxicological report awaits Kristoff's cause of death, but it is clear to Mia that her former husband's mental state was a primary factor.

"When Julian passed, he died of a broken heart," she said. "These mental problems are real. Kristoff suffered from bipolar, our son had schizophrenia, and I just felt that it was so difficult for people to pay attention. "

Although Mia pushed against Kristoff's view of his son over the phone, she now embraces the idea that he was not PHOTOS

Stars respond to Kristoff St. John's death

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My good friend and colleague, MY BROTHA, KRISTOFF ST.JOHN, died !! No words right now !! https://t.co/um3RVtQYPh

The pain of grief and mental health should be treated in the same realm as "physical" No real words exc … https://t.co/U407yZLGCa

No !!! This news has really ruined my heart, Kristoff was clean & so kind, I will never forget how wonderful he was … https://t.co/RwLsFVwsTA

Stunned and deep saddened. Thumbs up. https://t.co/ZssqSHLApp

I can't do this justice; I think I'm still in shock, what do we do without him? Without his talent, gr … https://t.co/GCQc5aRbtC

So unbelievably heartbroken by the passing of my dear friend Kristoff St.John. much! He was such a … https://t.co/wBjZYisPoI

Kristoff St. John was such a kind man and a very dear friend to me and so many at Y & R. My late husband Ron and Kris … https://t.co/pQuL93M0vJ




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SHOW CAPTION [19659042] "That was the only thing. When he told me that Julian came to the door and I knew my son came and took him home. And that was my only consolation," she continued.

After Julian's death, the former couple El Saber formed the Poder Foundation to combat mental illness. Since Mia is another unlikely loss, she is clear in her decision to pay attention to those suffering from mental illness and not receiving the support they need.

"I've never been so determined to change how we treat the mentally ill in this country," she said. "I give you my word that my fight will never end. And I will make my boys proud."

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