My wife and I have been together for eleven years. We have twins aged 2 and I have a 20 year old son in college. I have my own business and am doing well. I am 59 and my wife is 33. I paid the rent of the apartment for 10 years for her mother.
I paid my mother-in-law $ 1,600 a month for helping our twins for a year. In addition, my wife employed her for a year in a salon. Neither obsession ended well because of her mother’s desire to push back to her daughter’s authority.
My wife has two siblings, one has very little and the other has no children, a good business, yet he has never contributed to his mother̵
As I approach 60, I have explained that I will not sign any lease next year (January) and that I will contribute up to $ 500 per month. Month in rent, but the rest must come from the mother and her brother.
While everyone agrees, no action or further effort has been taken by anyone and I am worried that there will be falls, memory loss will kick in and I will be on another lease and stuck with the rent again.
I also have three kids and a wife in college and need to cut the cord.
What do you suggest?
You do not have to control your mother – in – law’s expectations or, for that matter, her direct deposit. You only need to manage your own.
Sometimes the best way to get the result you want is to take the path of least resistance and do nothing. Maybe your mother-in-law and her children are busy signing a new lease and agreeing on how the rent should be paid. Maybe they trust the “if it is not broken, do not fix it” principle and are benignly waiting for the direct deposit to continue.
As Jane Austen wrote in “Persuasion” (1817): “Let us never underestimate the power of a well-written letter.” Remind your mother-in-law of the last date of the lease and tell her that you will keep her in the loop about the new arrangement in writing. Inform the landlord that the payments end on the last date of the lease, and cc-your mother-in-law on your letter.
It can feel difficult to put a bar on your generosity and then adjust it after several years. But it sounds like you have tried several ways to help your mother-in-law and none of them have worked without your own fault. She has worked in your wife’s salon, she has been compensated for helping with your twins, and you have followed it up by paying her rent.
You are now flexing a new muscle. Once you draw a line in the sand and stick to it, it will be easier the next time you do it. And the next one.
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