I've heard the line from so many black friends and family over the years that it's become a kind of ongoing joke.
Most commentators portray Harris's exchange with Biden during the second night in the democratic debate as a potential game shift to the democratic presidential election. But Harris lost a bomb on Biden, which is bigger than politics. She postponed a psychological shift in some parts of the black community that have been for years.
The old days of black people who put up with dubious leaders because they felt they had no other choice could be over. No more talking about trying to understand the white people's racism, forgetting the influence of slavery, moving on from the past, because "this is a time of healing."
Forgiveness may not always be divine; Sometimes it leads to something worse.
Biden not only misread the room, he failed the time.
There are two reasons why Harris's attack on Biden left such a deep blue mark.
It is not difficult to understand why they made that choice. Forgiveness of an enemy is a core teaching of Christianity. It is also pragmatic. Forgive yourself for not being devoured by hatred. This belief formed the spiritual backbone of the civil rights movement.
I remember for a moment during a church meeting when a white man from South Africa told black members of my church that they could never move forward in politics unless they were trying to understand the racism of white people. A black woman interrupted him and said, "Why should we always be the people who should understand?"
But there has been a shift in thinking since the Charleston shooting.
I call it forgiveness fatigue.  In an article titled "Why is Forgiveness Always Expected From the Black Community After the Violence Occurs", the activist Jenn M. Jackson quoted the literature of articles cataloging the survivors of the Church who shot forgiving the shooter, even though he never exhibited a hint. of regret. "
" Forgiving whites are so 2017 (and literally every year before) . We must try a new approach in 2018, which states: "We do not have time to forgive you because we are busy making our work and dreaming the future of the variety who are also concerned about how white people will sleep at night without our forgiveness. ""
And then there was anger rising during President Barack Obama's presidency.
Harris may have dropped a trap at Biden during the debate, but the trap was actually set years earlier when he was the vice president of the country's first black president. He didn't see it and he didn't see it this week.
Busing is a still raw problem for many black people
One of the most electrical moments in Harris's exchange with Biden came when she claimed her own experience to be bused. She began by saying that she did not believe that Biden was racist, but quoted her opposition to bushing, she added:
"There was a little girl in California who was part of second class to integrate her public schools, and she was busied to school every day, "Harris said. "And the little girl was me."
And the little girl was also joined by countless brown and black children who were busied to white schools during one of the overlooked periods of American history – the bush wars, who followed the classic civil rights movement.
Look at any history book and you will see countless discussions about "I have a dream" and the end of Jim Crow. But you will not find many public schools teaching what happened during the second phase of the classical civil rights movement – the attempt to integrate its public schools.
Millions of black and brown children were busted to predominantly white schools in out-of-town towns in the 60s, 70s and 80s, but largely failed for a reason: White Outside the south were often as racist as those in Jim Crow South.
Busning provoked resistance from many white parents across the country. And ultimately, the Supreme Court issued a number of decisions in the decades following the 60s that stopped the movement to integrate the country's schools.
Matthew Delmont, author of "Why Busing Failed: Race, Media and the National Resistance to School Desegregation, said many white parents outside the south that their children would not share classrooms with black and brown children.
Your schools had better teachers, resources and less classrooms than the typical black public school, and they wanted to keep it that way. "" White people did not support the civil rights movement if it meant giving up something – that is the story of the north " "Delmont, professor of history at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire."
The Nordic school systems were just as invested in maintaining the benefits of the white schools like those in the south, Delmont said.
"It had a different name and accent than it did in the south, but it had the same purpose, "he said.
But at the same time there are countless black and brown adults in the middle and elderly like Harris who remember bushing as one for They can remember getting up as early as dawn to get thumped three hours to white schools across town.
In many cases it was transformative. What these adults also remember is getting a level of instruction and resources as they now know they would never have gotten in a completely black public school.
Some even made lifelong friends with people from other races that they would never have met otherwise
"There was a bump in the road, but it was pretty much a positive experience for them." Delmont said about the black and brown students who were bustling.
And many black parents know that their children would never have had a better education if not for the two words – federal intervention.
It was through a combination of judicial desegregation orders and armed troops that black children were sent to predominantly white schools. Such was the hard white resistance of black and brown children in white schools.
Biden is still critical of what he calls "forced bushing". His campaign released a statement following his debate exchange with Harris, who said:
"Joe Biden has always supported voluntary bushing and federal mandate to end that jure segregation. He has also always advocated integration, but forced it Bushing was not the right mechanism to achieve it in Delaware because it put an unreasonable burden on African American families and children. "However, school integration would never have happened if it had been strictly left to white parents and white school districts," Ravi Perry, President of the Political Science Department at Howard University, Washington.
Perry said bushing was a "core issue for the black experience." He quoted the famous story of "Little Rock Nine." It took the mobilization of the National Guard to ensure that black students were enrolled in the former all-white school.
"If the federal government does not intervene where we would be? It was federal intervention," Perry said.
Bigger than politics
Black people now expect more not only from white leaders; They demand more from prominent figures in the black community as well.
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