Dear ABBY: It has been a little over two years since I lost my father to leukemia. The progression of his illness and death was quick and unforeseen.
It has been a tremendous emotional burden on the family, but I find it difficult to "finish" my grief and even find simple happiness in things I used to enjoy. I know that a loved one's death can change a person's perspective forever, but I wonder if my process has become something else.
I am a little inclined to depression (especially in the winter months), but have fixed my doctor's orders for medicine and exercise regularly. I was in counseling, but it seemed to reach its conclusion a year ago.
I am married to three wonderful children, and I feel like I could be a better man and father if I could figure out how to move on. Abby, please help. ̵
Dear try to move on: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father.
The inability to find happiness in things that used to bring you joy is one of the symptoms of clinical depression. After two years you have to do better than you are.
Therefore, I suggest discussing what is happening with you with a psychiatrist, a doctor with training and certification to give you a specific diagnosis and medication if necessary. Please do not wait to ask your doctor or insurance company about referral.
Dear ABBY: My brother lives in another state, and every year he comes "at home" for a week. I'm one of six siblings who live in the area, but "Jim" always stays with us. After the first time he stayed here, he said, "I'll just keep your key next year."
I love my brother, but that means giving him my bedroom for a week or more. We have no other bedrooms so I have to share with my husband and not sleep. I am in my 70's and after a week's sleep I feel terrible.
I have suggested Jim to him who lives with his son, but he says "no." The other siblings do not offer because he is so critical. Everything we do must be his way.
I really need to tell him that he has to stay elsewhere, but I can't seem to find the right words. My siblings just tell him. What should I do? – NEEDS MY SLEEP
DEAR NEEDS SLEEP: Just tell him! Allow me to suggest a few sentences: "Jim, you will have to make other arrangements when you come to town because you can no longer stay with us. To go without sleep for a week while using my bed affects my health, so please come back to our house key. We love you and would like to visit with you while you are here and we hope you understand. "
Is not guilty of saying anything because you has been more than generous to your brother.
DEAR READERS: Today we remember the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 became the martyr of civil rights. His philosophy still rings true: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do it. Hate cannot run out of hatred only love can do it."
Dear Abby, written by Abigail Van Buren, also known like Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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