Dear ABBY: I am a 15 year old girl. I am a fun person to be with and I love to spend time with my friends and family. But one thing sometimes destroys it: I have a little mood and some anger problems.
I wonder if you have something that can help me control my temper and be nicer to people? I get into disagreements with people I care about because of my attitude. Can you give me guidance? – TESTY TEEN IN WISCONSIN
Dear Servant: If you think you are the only person with anger problems, you're wrong. We live in increasingly stressful times, which have affected most of us somehow.
It requires self-control ̵
Although anger is a normal feeling, we all experience sometime, most people begin to learn to control it in childhood. Uncontrolled anger is devastating because it drives others away, making it impossible to maintain healthy, successful relationships. The trick learns to express anger in constructive and non-destructive ways.
My booklet "The rage in us all and how to handle it" suggests how to recognize that you are angry before losing control and how to channel it appropriately. It can be ordered by sending your name and your postal address plus a check or money order for $ 8 (US funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
I hope it will be useful to you. It requires maturity to identify and verbalize negative emotions rather than smashing on others. To say calmly, "I have a bad day today" or "When you say (or do) it makes me miserable", you get respect for others. And it's the key to designing anger before losing control.
Dear ABBY: I just finished building my dream home. My dilemma is, now that I have a wonderful home club, my in-laws will use it.
I feel selfish saying no. But I am a very private and somewhat introverted person, and I really like my room. I'm afraid if I agree, it can be inconvenient for me to use it.
Where do I draw the line? Am I selfish? If not, how do I deny myself without disturbing family dynamics? I have a feeling that it would not sit well and so far I have been excused to avoid the situation. Please help. – RUNNING EXPENDITURE
DEAR RUNNING OUT: A tactile solution may be to "remind" your in-laws that you want the gym available for private use when you need it for that, and suggest some hours or days where there would be no conflict. And keep a good thought. The interest in exercising in gyms is notoriously short-lived, so your problem disappears quickly.
Dear Abby, written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.