I think it’s amazing! I think when you first give a gift, it’s theirs to do as they please, and it does not bother me.
The problem is, my four-year-old wife does not agree. She thinks it was extremely rude of my godfather and his parents to sell a personalized gift that I got him for Christmas without at least consulting me about it.
I told my wife that even though it might have been nice for them to tell me they should do this, I honestly do not care.
We associate with them often (they are one of very few in our pandemic circle). I do not want her to create hard feelings.
Not only that, if it comes down to it, I have to sit with my friends because I agree with them, which makes my wife angry with me or side with my wife even though I disagree, just to create a more harmonious home?
In a problem: I have an idea: How about your wife keeping her thoughts to herself and thereby ensuring both a solid friendship as well as a harmonious home?
This is the very essence of “none of her business.” Your relationship with your sponsor precedes your relationship with your wife. It is separate from your wife. You have the right to conduct your relationship with the boy of your choice. Furthermore, I happen to agree with your position on the gift. It was not a family heirloom. It has been recycled and now another child will enjoy it.
If your wife has the bile to bring this up to the boy’s parents in your presence, say to her, “Well, I totally disagree with you, as I made clear when we discussed this before. When I give a gift, I think the person receiving it should do what they want with it. ”
If your wife wants a harmonious home, she may not want to judge and confront friends about their parents or judge your paternal grandparents harshly.
And because this is a godchild question, I want to throw out a favorite admonition from the Bible: “Be a cheerful giver!” You have done it and good for you.
Dear Amy: I only have one living sibling. She spent most of our adult years manipulating our mother to get more than her share of money, jewelry, family antiques, at times resorting to lies and even theft. She rarely called me, never visited and left me most of the elderly care.
Now she is lonely, her marriage is on the rocks, and her children are strangers or troubled.
I invited her to visit twice, but found her unchanged. She is still selfish and sneaky.
Now she wants to move here and join my close circle of friends and family. “Family First” has been my creed, but I do not feel it for her.
Concerned: You can not prevent your sister from moving to the city, but you can definitely try to prepare her for reality by saying, “I hope you understand that moving will probably not be the solution to your problems. I’m not ready to meet your needs. ”
If this sister is a master manipulator and border crossing, you will have to work hard to establish and often strengthen the borders. Put the word “no” in your vocabulary and be prepared to use it.
Dear Amy: Was it really necessary for you to quote violent and misguided racists who referred to themselves as “white Christians?” If they were Christians and had read the Bible, they would know that Christ is looking at the heart, not the color of the skin.
Disappointed: I thought it was important to let these people reveal themselves.
2020 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency