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Ask Amy: Kids are upset by mom's romance with her "stepson"



Dear Amy: My significant other (we were never officially married) died six months ago from a long-term illness.

In our 25 years together, we had a 25-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old -old son. During that time, my SO also had an illegitimate son. That son is also 21, and is just a few months older than the son he and I had together.

I didn't even meet this son until he was 15 years old.

After my significant other's death, his son, "Seth" started living with me and my son.

About a month ago I developed a sexual relationship with Seth.

My children now have disowned me, calling the relationship disgusting, a poor decision, and inappropriate

The way I see it, other than the age gap of 25 years, we are both single, both adults, and we are not related, I didn't raise him, I didn't even measure him until he was 1

5 years old, and I was never actually married to his dad – therefore I was never an actual stepmom.

Do you think my children are correct in their perception of this relationship, and if so, for what reasons? [19659002] – Not a Stepmother

Dear Note: Your children perceive that your choice to engage in a sexual relationship with their half-brother more than five months

You have crossed a number of taboos and boundaries and are now splitting hairs: ("we weren't officially married, I barely knew this kid, "etc.). But this young man is biologically related to your children. He moved into your home as a family member. What happened next is pretty icky.

"Hey," you may tell yourself, "Woody Allen did exactly this same thing, and look at how things turned out for him?!"

Exactly.

Dear Amy: My significant other and I have been together for almost 15 years (we with when I was 17 and he 21).

At the onset of our relationship, I was 100 percent anti-marriage and children. My SO fell similarly.

Now that all of these years have passed, our views have changed. We both had health issues, and now we see marriage as both a commitment to each other, but also a necessity for decision-making when the other isn't capable

OK – now to put all of that seriousness behind us

If we marry, we can register for gifts? We're still living in an apartment, saving for a down payment, and really don't have a lot.

– Wondering Future Bride

Dear Wondering: Hooray on your choice to get married. Marriage is about many of the things you've already experienced; it is an expression of the power of commitment, as well as the official making of a family with another person.

Do not confuse marriage with a wedding. gifts, but … some of your guests might. Presumably they are aware of your 100 percent anti-marriage stance. They know you have been living together for a long time.

You don't say how you are going to finance a wedding, but I hope you don't dip into your savings. The money spent on an elaborate celebration could be added to the kinds of things you would register for.

Perhaps you two could host a wedding, DIY wedding. Friends and family members could help you pull it together.

And go ahead and register. You should not advertise your invitation on the invitation, but if you want to go to your wish list

Dear Amy: "Sick at Heart" witnessed a child screaming at a bus stop. The child's mother was holding onto his shirt and yelling at him. The child's mother said he would run away if she didn't hold him back.

You can't believe this busy body to attempt to speak to the child.

You speak to my child without my permission, and it's the last thing you'll do.

– Furious

Dear Furious: "Sick at Heart" had already heard the mother say that if she didn't restrain the child, he would run. In my response, I suggested that Sick should start addressing the parent directly: "Wow, this is rough. Can I help?"

I suggested that they could then try to disrupt the action by attempting to speak to the child.

Any good parent should understand when things are out of control, other adults might try to intervene.

(You can contact Amy Dickinson by email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy , PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow here on Twitter @askingamy or "like" here on Facebook.)


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